


Nothing Had Cut That Deep Before

by bulletproof_titanium



Category: Pitch Perfect
Genre: F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-20
Updated: 2015-06-26
Packaged: 2017-11-29 22:13:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 19,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/692070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bulletproof_titanium/pseuds/bulletproof_titanium
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Beca was the weird alt girl that never really fit in, but she shouldn't be surprised because she didn't really try to. But Chloe is determined that Beca is just like her, deep down. For Chloe's sake, Beca hopes that they are like chalk and cheese, she prays that Chloe isn't feeling the way Beca does. WARNING: there will be references to self harm later on in the story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Beca tossed and turned in her bed, awoken by her headphones getting tangled up in herself. She slowly sat up and acknowledged that her roommate, Kimmy Jin, wasn’t at her normal post – sitting at her desk staring blankly at her laptop screen. “She must have some Korean Club meeting” Beca thought aloud. She was glad that Kimmy Jin had left early, she wasn’t in the mood to be scowled at. Beca didn’t know what she had done to her roommate but whatever she had done, it had to of been something awful; unless she treated everyone like that. Beca pulled herself out of her bed and into a pair of skinny jeans and a plaid top; making her way to her first Bella’s rehearsal.

               

Beca walked into the Bella’s auditorium trying to hide her excitement, she couldn’t let anyone know that she actually wanted to be here, that would totally ruin her image. She managed to hide it pretty well because after all, she was kind of tired from walking all the way from her dorm which just happened to be all the way across campus. Just Beca’s luck. Everyone slowly started to make their way into the auditorium and before Beca knew it rehearsal was underway. She was almost enjoying herself before Aubrey practically exploded in her face; Beca knew that the Bella’s captain didn’t like her, but this was uncalled for, this was just plain rude. Aubrey was practically screaming at Beca before a blonde called Fat Amy stood between them and tried to joke her way through calming Aubrey down. “Crickey! It’s easier to take a meal from a Dingo than it is to pry Aubrey away from you!” The Australian joked. Beca couldn’t help but smile at the Aussie’s attempt to make her laugh, but Beca’s mind was soon onto other things. Like the Redhead that was now standing by Aubrey’s side, who after 5 minutes with Aubrey called the rest of the rehearsal off. Everyone collected their things and shouted “Thanks Chloe” over their shoulder as they left the Auditorium. “Chloe?” Beca thought to herself, “that has to be the redhead right?”

 

Beca left the same auditorium that she had entered not even 4 hours prior, she was the same Beca but her mood was the polar opposite. She entered content, secretly happy to be there (even if she didn’t let anyone catch onto that), she left torn. Not knowing if she should be absolutely fuming because of Aubrey or if she should be thinking about that red head, Chloe? Beca wanted to be mad at Aubrey so badly. After all, Aubrey was the stuck up Bella’s captain that had just belittled her in front of all the Bella’s, shouting at her, saying that she shouldn’t have allowed her into the a cappella group. Apparently Beca didn’t fit her standards and wasn’t ‘normal’ enough for her.

 

Beca was almost running back to her dorm when she stopped dead in her tracks. Aubrey’s last words were playing through her head, “I wish Chloe hadn’t talked me into letting you in”. The statement had almost been made under her breath, as if she didn’t want Beca to of heard her.  But all Beca could think of was _“had the she really said that to Aubrey? Had the redhead really stop up to Aubrey and told her to let me in? After her practically begging her to do the audition”,_ Beca didn’t know what to think.

 

At this point Beca had started walking again. She had forgotten about being mad at Aubrey, she could do that later, right now her thoughts where consumed by this mysterious Bella co-captain, Chloe? Beca was still assuming that it was indeed the redhead’s name. At this point Beca wasn’t sure of many things, like how she felt about Chloe, what Chloe thought about her or just anything to do with this girl really. But Beca was sure of one thing; she wanted to be a part of this red heads life and in a big way. 


	2. Chapter 2

 

Today felt so weird to Beca, nothing was making any sense to her. Like how it was a sunny, clear day outside yet once she had left her dorm she realised that it was in fact freezing. Or how Beca was up walking around the common greens before 10am, especially since Bellas rehearsals didn’t start for another three hours. Beca sighed as she glanced at the oversized watch on her wrist. She let out another long sigh as she realised that she was yet to learn how to read this massive thing. Defeated, Beca reached into her pocket to retrieve her phone. “8:01” her Iphone read. Beca let out a third sigh and made her way across campus to her favourite coffee shop, _Ricochet_.

 

As Beca placed her order of a large mocha, she was less than impressed when she found her father entering the small café behind her. She had dreaded the day that this was going to happen, but Beca didn’t want it to happen so soon, she had only been at Bardon for 2 months and she didn’t want her father making a habit out of this. Beca swiftly collected her mocha and headed for a booth near the back of the café. Just as she had sat down at her booth she heard her name being called from behind her. She knew that voice anywhere, her father had noticed her.

 

She should have just ignored him, but no, Beca swivelled herself around on her chair and greeted him with a polite smile. Only to be follow by Beca’s snide remark “So you’ve taken to stalking me, have you?”

Mr Mitchell chuckled and swiftly replied “No. Although it doesn’t seem like a bad idea, as you don’t seem to be fond of answering you phone.”

Beca just looked at him as if that where a bad thing.

After a lengthy (and rather awkward pause), he continued “I need you to answer your phone Beca, I worry about you and you know that I need to know that you’re okay.”

Beca sighed and rolled her eyes at her father before her before continuing, “I know, I’m sorry, but I’m okay. I’m here aren’t I?” she questioned her father.

He shook his head as he retorted, “By the way I actually came early, I didn’t want to bump into you and your friends, and I didn’t want to dent your groove”. The end of his sentence became longer and drawn out, as he peered around the corner to find that the rest of the booth was in fact empty.

Beca cringed at her father trying to be cool.

 

She engaged in small talk for a few moments, saying that college was good and so was she before he announced that he has a class to get to. As Mr Mitchell turned on his heels and left the café, Beca sat at her booth debating to put on her head phones and get lost in her new mix or not. She reached for her phone and checked the time before placing it on the table in front of her.  “8:30” it read, she had time to get lost in her mixes. With that she placed her headphones over her ears and put on her newest mix _Bulletproof Titanium_ and relaxed back into her chair.

 

She sat there for a few moments thinking about how she had been forced to attend Bardon. To be honest, she didn’t really mind it. The only down side was her father being the head lecturer of Comparative literature, but Beca didn’t take any of those classes; she really had nothing to worry about. Beca’s classes where music based and she took them on the other side of campus, so she didn’t even run into her father that often. She was pretty sure that people didn’t know that they were related, sure they shared the same last name but Mitchell isn’t an unpopular last name, right? She tried to keep parents out of conversation as much as possible, either way it went it wasn’t going to end well for Beca.

 

After a while Beca’s thoughts had trailed off, only to be abruptly interrupted by her phone vibrating on the table in front of her, telling her that she had a text message. Her phone read   
_Dad_

_Becs! I forgot to ask, your mother and I want you to come for dinner tomorrow. Can you make it?_

_Xo_

Beca hit reply and sent,

_*step mother*_

_No, I can’t Dad, I’m busy. Tell the step monster that I can’t make it._

_x_

Beca felt a bit childish calling her step mother ‘step monster’ but she didn’t really care. She hit send and threw her phone back onto the table in front of her.

 

Beca slid back into her chair again and started fiddling with the amalgamation of bracelets up her arm, but before she could get lost again her phone went off, this time reminding her that the Bella’s rehearsal started in 45 minutes. “Christ” Beca thought aloud, “How did all that time pass so quickly?” it didn’t seem like she had been in the café for two hours. She knew that she had gotten lost in her mix, but she didn’t think that she had gotten _that_ lost. She picked up her still full coffee cup and headed back across the campus towards the auditorium, she didn’t want to be late and actually give Aubrey a reason for hating her.

 

She was half way to the auditorium when she noticed, as she was staring down at her feet that a second pair of feet had appeared, wearing shiny, black ballet flats. As she slowly looked up she realised that the red head from yesterday’s rehearsal was walking alongside her. She offered a friendly smile and slid her headphones off her ears and placed them around her neck, as she quickly said “Hi, sorry, I didn’t really notice you there. I’m Beca.” She said, stumbling over her words.

The redhead let out a little giggle. “Oh I know you name. Aubrey yelled it enough in rehearsals yesterday. I wouldn’t be surprised if everyone on campus knew that there was a Beca here now. But I’m Chloe by the way.”

 

Beca smiled at the name, _“Chloe, that’s such a pretty name and it goes with such a pretty face.”_ Beca caught herself and stopped her thought there; she didn’t even know the girl for god sake!

An awkward silence settled in as the two kept on walking.

 

“Oh, by the way,” Chloe broke the silence. “I just wanted to apologise for the way Aubrey acted yesterday during rehearsals. I’m sure she didn’t mean it, she’s just a little be rough around the edges.” She was making up excuses for the blonde and Beca didn’t really know how to feel about that. Either way, she looked up at Chloe with a hurt look in her eyes.

 

“Yeah, I guess.” Beca said as she started playing with her bracelets again, she did it whenever she was bored or nervous. “I guess she was kinda right though, I don’t look like the rest of the Bella’s. I don’t really fit in.” Beca trailed off and was staring at her feet.

 

“So? Who cares about fitting in?”

 

“Um, I guess a lot of people do?” Beca was shocked at Chloe’s response. “But I guess I don’t really try to, so I shouldn’t really be surprised that I don’t”

 

“Why should you try to fit in? Why would you try to change who you are just to meet other peoples standards? You’re amazing just the way you are Beca.”

 

Now shocked was an understatement, this amazing redhead had just called her amazing. Not that she really knew her though.

“Ah that’s awfully nice of you to think Chlo, but first off, you don’t really know me and secondly I don’t think you’ve ever had problems fitting in, since you’re practically perfect and everyone wants to be like you and look like you.” _“Fuck, no Beca. Why did you say that? That isn’t okay and now she is going to think that you’re some super freak or something.”_

“WHY THE FUCK DOES EVERYONE THINK THAT?! I try SO fucking hard, why can’t people see it?” Chloe’s face was almost the same fiery red as her hair.

 

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you. I just meant that you know, you’re so pretty and you seem so carefree, you’re smart and people really like you Chloe and I don’t’ have that… And I don’t know- I just assumed that girls like you didn’t have to try like girls like me do.” Beca stuttered and took a step away from the angered girl.

 

She looked as if she was calming herself down and looked down at Beca. Beca could have died right then and there. Her eyes were so pretty; they were the most amazing blue she had ever seen.

 

“You really think that? Also girls ‘like me’? We are very much the same Beca Mitchell.” Chloe was a lot calmer now.

 

“Of course I do. I really hope that for your sake that we aren’t much the same.” Beca said before pushing the doors to the auditorium open, leaving a confused Chloe on the other side. 


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Sorry this has taken so long, I didn’t anticipate having so much school work! I also apologize for the awkward ending to this chapter. The next one should be up soon though! Also, reviewing would be nice, so far I don’t have any feedback, but so many of you have read it. Thanks (:**

**WARNING: THIS CHAPTER HAS REFERENCES TO SELF HARM. This could be triggering to some readers!**

The next day Chloe was sitting in a lecture and the last thing that Beca had said to her was running through her head. “ _I really hope that for your sake that we aren’t much the same” “What did she mean? Why does she think that she is so different”_ Chloe had a million thoughts running through her head about this Beca girl. Chloe shook her head, she really didn’t have time to be thinking about this, about _her_ , she was sitting in the middle of an important psychology lecture and she hadn’t caught a single word, she shook her head trying to rid the thoughts of Beca Mitchell; she had to focus. This was not going well for Chloe.

 

Beca on the other hand, was sitting at her desk in her empty dorm room. She was trying to create a mix, but it just wasn’t happening, everything was going to pieces for Beca. She couldn’t take it any longer, she closed the lid of her Mac laptop and whipped the drawer to her right open, revealing a small box that looked like a small portable speaker. She began to full back the folds, to reveal small shiny pieces of metal. She picked up what seemed to be the newest and pressed it against her right wrist. After leaving a few cuts on her wrist, unsatisfied she moved down to her thigh, moving her pyjama shorts to the top of her thigh, creating more cuts over the marks made only a few days prior.  

 

Before she knew it, Beca was sitting in _Ricochet_ and was having another Mocha; again waiting for her Bella’s rehearsal to begin. This was becoming a habit of hers, skipping class and just relaxing. This was such a better alternative, it was less stressful and she got a mocha (it was a win-win situation really).  She sat in her favourite booth, which was situated in the back corner of the café. She loved it so much, because if she sat in the far seat she couldn’t be seen by anyone else.  She sat back in her chair thinking about what she had said to the redhead the day beforehand. Beca sat, analysing every word that she had said (so it was more like regretting every word that she had said). She sat there hoping, wishing that Chloe didn’t catch on to Beca, that Chloe had just let what Beca had said slide.

 

Beca was quiet relieved when she made it to rehearsal without Chloe intercepting her. She let out a sigh as she realised she wasn’t the first on there either. She practically ran over to Fat Amy and delved right into a conversation, not paying attention to the red head who sat across the room engaging in a one way conversation with Aubrey.  Well, at least that was until Aubrey came over to have a word with Beca that was.

“I thought I spoke to you about those things in your ears Beca Mitchell” Aubrey had managed to keep her voice low, but it was stern and intimidating. Well at least she thought it was.

“Well hello to you too miss Posen” Beca said with a smile. “It’s nice to see you as well!”

“Cut the crap Beca, I told you to take them out yesterday! What are they still doing there?!” Aubrey was starting to become agitated and all patience was lost when it came to Beca.

“Ohhh, that’s right. You did tell me to take them out. But, you see, I never said that I would and you see, I’m not going to either. So I’d say get used to them because they aren’t going anywhere Aubrey. I’m sorry that I don’t fit into your perfect little mould, but you’re going to have to live with that.” Her voice was calm and collected no sense of anger or urge but that just spurred Aubrey on. Her hands now clenched into fists, her clenching together and her face growing redder by the second. Beca thought that Aubrey might actually explode on her.

 

Beca couldn’t thank Chloe enough for coming and interrupting and calming Aubrey down before she could projectile vomit on all of the Bella’s. Needless to say the rest of the rehearsal wasn’t very easy for Beca. Aubrey made sure that Beca was going to pay for being out of line. But every extra lap she made Beca do, every extra set Chloe was by her side so she wasn’t alone. Aubrey let the first few slide, but she could see what Chloe was doing. She wasn’t doing it because she liked exercise; she was doing because she liked Beca. After a few more laps and a few more insults Aubrey called the end of the rehearsal and let them all go back to their dorms.

 

Beca thought that she was finally free from Aubrey’s wrath, but as she was packing up her stuff she heard her yell across the room to her “Oh and Beca, I want those ear monstrosities gone, along with the overabundance of bracelets up your arms.”  As Aubrey said her bracelets had to go, she froze. There was no way that Beca could take her bracelets off. That wasn’t going to happen no matter how Aubrey threatened her. Beca must have been standing there frozen for a little too long, because Chloe came up to her.  
“Beca, you look like you’ve seen a ghost or something. What’s wrong?”   
She cleared her throat before continuing “Oh, it’s nothing. I just remembered something stupid. That’s all.” Beca faked her way through a smile and picked up her bag before heading out of the auditorium.

Chloe chased her as she headed out of the auditorium. “Beca Mitchell, get back here!” Chloe ran to catch up with the brunette.

As she came to a slow jog, she came up beside what seemed to be a Beca that was almost in tears.

 

Beca opened the door to her empty dorm room and held the door for Chloe, whom had just comforted her all the way back to her dorm. “Are you going to tell what’s wrong or not Beca?” Chloe was becoming impatient with Beca and the walls that she had placed around herself.

“I – I, I doubt you even want to know, you probably don’t care.” She was stumbling through her words and was fighting back tears as she looked down at her feet and played with her bracelets.

 “Of course I care Beca. I’m here to listen to whatever you have to say… and apparently it’s big, because I’ve never seen you like this before. I hate seeing you upset Beca.” Chloe extended her arm to her friends shoulder and slowly rubbed it, giving Beca reassurance that she did indeed care.

“Okay, well you need to tell Aubrey that I’m not taking off my bracelets for her. I can’t do that. I won’t do that. I wouldn’t take them off for my mother and I certainly won’t take them off for her.”

“Why not? Can’t you do it for a few hours? Just to make things easier?”

“You don’t understand Chloe.” Beca waved her off and moved down the bed, so she wasn’t so close to the redhead.

“You’re right, I don’t. So help me understand Beca” Chloe pleaded.

“No, you don’t want to know. You’ll think I’m a freak or something; you won’t be able to look at me the same.”

“Beca Mitchell, I care about you so SO very much, I could never think that you were a freak and the only thing that could change in the way that I look at you is the amount of love I show – and it would only ever get bigger.” Chloe was staring into Beca’s big hazel coloured eyes, having to pull her gaze away before she became totally transfixed.

 

That was it, Beca couldn’t possibly show Chloe now… Could she?


	4. chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beca finally lets Chloe in and she tells all. Or at least everything that Chloe wants to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry it’s been so long since the last chapter, I didn’t anticipate school being as hectic as it is! Nether the less, here is the latest chapter! Hopefully chapter 5 will be up soon (:   
> Since it has been so long since the last chapter I’m going to give you a little refresher so you don’t have to reread last chapter to know what’s going on (:   
>  Thank you all for being so patient! 
> 
> Recap of last chapter. 
> 
> “Beca, all Aubrey wants you to do is take off your bracelets for Bella’s. Why is that such a task for you? You got into a massive fight with her over them, why can’t you take them off Beca?” Chloe really wanted to know what was going on with the brunette. Aubrey had really blown her top over Beca’s earrings and that didn’t seem to faze her, so why did she get to upset when she mentioned her bracelets in passing?  
> “I – I, I doubt you even want to know, you probably don’t care.” She was stumbling through her words and was fighting back tears as she looked down at her feet and played with her bracelets.   
>  “Of course I care Beca. I’m here to listen to whatever you have to say… and apparently it’s big, because I’ve never seen you like this before. I hate seeing you upset Beca.” Chloe extended her arm to her friends shoulder and slowly rubbed it, giving Beca reassurance that she did indeed care.   
> “Okay, well you need to tell Aubrey that I’m not taking off my bracelets for her. I can’t do that. I won’t do that. I wouldn’t take them off for my mother and I certainly won’t take them off for her.”   
> “Why not? Can’t you do it for a few hours? Just to make things easier?”   
> “You don’t understand Chloe.” Beca waved her off and moved down the bed, so she wasn’t so close to the redhead.   
> “You’re right, I don’t. So help me understand Beca” Chloe pleaded.   
> That was it, Beca couldn’t possibly show Chloe now… Could she?

**Chapter Four**

Beca couldn’t think, she sat there in silence staring at her feet, wracking her brain trying to come up with something to say. So there she sat, about a foot away from Chloe, staring at her feet and playing with her bracelets; praying that Chloe would say something first, so she didn’t have to. It was like all of her prays had been answered when she heard the woman beside her start talking.

“You know that you could tell me anything in the world and I wouldn’t think anything less of you Beca Mitchell. Nothing would make me think any less of you and really, nothing could make me think any higher of you either.”

Beca shot her a confused and hurt look before she could clarify what she meant.

“Ugh, not what I meant and you know it. I meant that I couldn’t possibly think any higher of you.” She said as she nudged the brunette in the ribs with her elbow.

Beca let out a slight laugh as she felt herself loosening up. “Oh I bet that I could tell you plenty of things that would make you think a lot less of me.” Beca began to stiffen up again.

“Yeah? Try me.”

 

There is was again, a silence so stiff that you could have cut it with a butter knife. Chloe reached out and put a hand on Beca’s thigh, putting pressure against Beca’s cuts - a little too much pressure. Beca let out a slight hiss and Chloe withdraw her hand, seeing the pain what was written across the brunette’s face; making the connection that it was her hand causing her pain.

“What? What’s wrong? What did I do?” Chloe was on the verge of panicking.

“Nothing, you just leant against a bruise, it’s fine.” Beca was lying through her back teeth and Chloe knew it.

“A bruise on the top of your thigh that’s so bad that you’re in that much pain? I call Bullshit Beca Mitchell.” Chloe reached over to Beca and began to pull her shorts up.

 _‘Why the fuck did I decide to wear shorts today? I never wear fucking shorts!’_ Beca stopped Chloe’s hand from trailing up any further, but it was too late, the bottoms of her scars were in plain sight. She looked up to the red head, panic written all over Beca’s face.

“Be-Be-Beca” Chloe used her spare hand to cover her mouth, not being sure of what to say to the brunette.

Tears began to fall down Beca’s face; she swallowed, trying to hold in her emotions.

Beca flinched, pulling away so she was sitting on the opposite side of the bed. “See, you’re not like me. You’re nothing like me.” Beca was almost yelling with the oceans welling in her eyes.

Chloe reached over to the crying brunette and embraced her in a tight hug, but Beca didn’t want that she pushed and tried to wriggle herself out of Chloe’s reach. Chloe just held on tighter, with her hand stroking through the brunette hair and whispering into her ear “Shh, Beca it’s going to be okay. Just let it all out, cry as much as you need to. I’m here for you okay?” until she had stopped crying and somehow had managed to calm herself down.

 

After a few moments of sitting in a comfortable silence Beca finally spoke. “I’m sorry for yelling. I’m sorry for getting mad at you. It was silly, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you had to see all that. It won’t happen again, sorry.” She stumbled over her words as she said them at a lightning fast speed.

“Just stop okay? Stop right there. I’m your friend and I love you. I will always love you and like I said before ‘I care about you so SO very much, I could never think that you were a freak and the only thing that could change in the way that I look at you is the amount of love I show – and it would only ever get bigger’ “Chloe referred to her previous statement. “I just don’t want to see you hurt anymore, I don’t want you hurting yourself like this.”

Beca was lost with what to say next, so she just looked deep into the pair of perfect blue eyes in front of her and nodded.

Chloe opened her mouth, as if she were going to speak, until she quickly closed it again without a word- hoping that Beca hadn’t noticed anything.

“What?” Beca asked.

 _“she noticed”_ Chloe thought to herself.

“…I… I – it’s nothing” Chloe had a question burning inside of her, wanting to come out, yearning for an answer but she knew that she couldn’t ask it. 

“No, what? What’s wrong?” Beca wanted to know what Chloe had to say.

An uncomfortable pause lingered in the air.

“Okay, can I ask a question? You don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to.” The words fell out of Chloe’s mouth; she didn’t even think that Beca had managed to catch what she has said because she’d said it so quickly.

“Sure?” Saying that Beca was worried with what was about to come out of Chloe’s mouth was an understatement.

“wh-why?”

“Why what?” Beca fully knew what Chloe was asking her, but she had to make sure.

“Did you do it?”

Beca tensed at how Chloe said ‘did’, implying that she wasn’t going to do it again. “Because.” Beca said as she simply shrugged at the redhead.

Chloe just sat there, waiting for Beca to give her a proper answer.

“I just do, okay. Because I need to make sure that I’m still alive and so that I don’t just feel numb all the time, so I can feel pain. Because Chloe, the monsters don’t live under my bed or in my closet, they live inside my head” Beca took in a deep breath before she continued, “It’s pain that _I_ control, not my Father, not Aubrey. Me. Because I deserve it, the pain and the punishment; I deserve it all. It’s hard to explain and you probably won’t understand, but after all, I’m just adding more and more ugly scars to the rest of this ugly body of mine.” Beca was hesitant to look up and see Chloe’s reaction, but she had to she wanted to know so badly what she thought of her.

 

But there is was again; silence, nothing. Beca was waiting for Chloe to say something, anything. Beca watched as Chloe got up from her seat on her bed.

“I, I’m sorry please don’t go” Beca blurted out.”

Chloe wasn’t going anywhere though. As Beca tried to get up Chloe pushed her back onto the bed, where Beca was sitting before and scooted beside her, taking her into a tight embrace. As soon as Beca felt Chloe tighten her arms around Beca she couldn’t help but to burst out into tears, as if it were on cue.

  
Chloe turned her head slightly to whisper to Beca “shh, it’s going to be okay. I’m here for you, whatever you need at whatever hour of the day, or night. I’m here.” She said before planting a slight peck on Beca’s cheek. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I give up with apologizing with my slack updating (I am sorry though), so I’d just like to thank you all for being patient and for continuing reading. Hopefully you are all enjoying and you aren’t just reading it so I don’t feel bad! I’d just like to say for those Aubrey fans, I promise that she is going to show her true colours soon, she isn’t going to be a bitch forever (so stay tuned to see that!)
> 
> Again, thank you to everyone who has kept reading despite my lack of posting.
> 
> Also if anyone is interested, I have a tumblr, it’s rightinthe-feels.tumblr.com
> 
> xx

**Chapter Five**

 

Beca was sitting cross legged on her usual seat in the Bella’s auditorium, it was both in plain sight yet tucked away at the same time. If you just walked into the auditorium and you weren’t looking around, there’s a chance that you wouldn’t see her. She sat looking down at her wrist and fiddling with her bracelets; saying that she was worried was an understatement. Her overabundance of bracelets was now only a quarter the way up her arm, trying to conform to Aubrey’s standards but she knew it wouldn’t be enough for her, she hadn’t gotten rid of all her bracelets, but at least some of them where gone;  she had also taken out all of her earrings. That should be enough right? That should please Aubrey for the mean time. She sat there and worried for a good few minutes about what Chloe had said to Aubrey, she had promised not to tell Aubrey exactly why, but Beca couldn’t help but think that Chloe would accidently let it slip. After all she loved gossiping and talking, but Beca wasn’t sure if this counted as gossip, it wasn’t exactly front page material like a cheerleader losing her virginity to a varsity quarter back.

 

Beca liked sitting in the empty auditorium, it was so peaceful, serene and she was almost upset when she heard the door open. Much to her dismay, it was Aubrey’s voice that she heard.

”You’re just trying to stick up for her, if this was really that bad then she would have the audacity to come and talk to _me_ about it; she wouldn’t need you to do her dirty work Chlo.”

Beca sat there frozen, not knowing if she should sit as still as she could and hope that they wouldn’t see her, or should she acknowledge them. Before she could make up her mind Chloe was responding to Aubrey.

“You don’t get it. ‘Brey it’s hard for her, just cut her some slack, please.”

 

Beca jumped at Chloe’s use of the word cut.

 

“Well you know what I think? I think she has you twisted around her little finger, she has you right where she wants you and the worst part is you’re letting her do it to you Chlo!” Aubrey was honing in on Chloe, stepping closer and closer.

 

Chloe brought her face closer to Aubrey’s “She fucking _cuts herself, her bracelets hide her fucking cuts.”_ Chloe lowered her voice, whilst still getting mad at Aubrey.

The pair was disrupted by a gasp that came from across the room. Beca was still in her seat, looking as white as a ghost from what she had just heard. Before anything could be said Beca was on her feet, running for the door, her eyes stinging from tears _‘fuck fuck fuck fuck’_ was all that was running through her head.

 

“You aren’t going to run after her?” Aubrey looked at Chloe with a questioning look.

“No, not yet, I’ll go and see her later. I need to figure out what I’m going to say because FUCK Aubrey FUCK. I wasn’t meant to tell you, I fucking promised that I wouldn’t fucking do that. She’s never going to fucking trust me ever fucking again, fuck fuck fuck.” Chloe was pacing around the auditorium, tears of frustration stinging her eyes as she tried to figure out how to fix the mess that she had just made.

_She had just opened up to me, she was actually letting me in and I just fucked that up!_ Chloe’s hands were going yellow, from balling her hands into tight fists.

 

 

Beca found herself intently listening to her converse slapping against the concrete footpath below her as she was sprinting back to her dorm, her eyes stinging from trying to hold back tears. She slammed open the door to her dorm building, climbing up 4 flights of stairs, taking two at a time before reaching her door. She ripped open her bag and started rifling through it to find her key, after fumbling to get the key to fit through the lock she finally tore open her door and made a beeline for her bed. She sat in her unmade bed for hours crying and replaying what had just happened in her head, not being able to believe that Chloe had actually told Aubrey. Beca thought that there was a chance that Chloe wouldn’t be able to keep it to herself, but she dearly hoped that she had it all wrong; obviously Beca had been right. She shouldn’t have trusted her with her deepest darkest secret.

 

Beca tossed and turned in her bed, this time she wasn’t woken by being tangled up in her headphones. Today she was awoken by throbbing pain in her head, the stinging of her eyes and the saliva (or lack thereof) in her mouth. As she opened her eyes she was blinded by the light flooding into the room from the open window, squinting at first to be able to see properly; from the amount of light there was, she figured that it was about 10 am and that she’d missed the beginning of her first lecture and she couldn’t see any reason why should now rush to make the end of it. She peered over to her phone to check the time, only to see that she had numerous missed calls and unread messages.

As she began tracing the pattern on her phone to unlock it as a quaint knock came from outside her door. She froze in her place, it could only be one person… Chloe.

 

Another knock came from outside her door.

She picked herself out of her bed and reached for some meds to fix her head, only to be met with another knock, still as quaint as the first. “Give me a tick” Beca said between taking meds and swallowing.

Walking towards the door, Beca realised that she didn’t actually want to open it. _Maybe I could pretend I’m not here_ a part of her said, stopping in her place, she agreed with herself; that’s what she is going to do _, how will they if I’m actually here or not? They aren’t just going to burst in._ This sounded like a bullet proof plan, until she realised that a few moments earlier that she had actually said something to the person on the other side. _Fuck._ Beca didn’t really have a choice on this; she had to answer the door. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beca and Chloe have a well needed talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter six  
> Hopefully the chapters will be coming out quicker, better and longer (: I noticed that the last few chapters are lacking in those areas, so I hope to improve them for you all. I’m so so sorry that is has taken so long for me to update this fic. Senior year has been a lot more full on then I had expected and at the moment I’m studying for a lot of my major exams and my QCS test. It’s a lot to do.  
> Anyway, I hope that you enjoy this chapter.   
> Again, thank you to everyone who has kept reading despite my lack of posting.   
> Reminder, if anyone is interested, I have a tumblr, it’s rightinthe-feels.tumblr.com  
> xx
> 
>  
> 
> Recap of the last chapter  
> Chloe brought her face closer to Aubrey’s “She fucking cuts herself, her bracelets hide her fucking cuts.” Chloe lowered her voice, whilst still getting mad at Aubrey.   
> The pair was disrupted by a gasp that came from across the room. Beca was still in her seat, looking as white as a ghost from what she had just heard. Before anything could be said Beca was on her feet, running for the door, her eyes stinging from tears ‘fuck fuck fuck fuck’ was all that was running through her head.   
> Beca found herself intently listening to her converse slapping against the concrete footpath below her as she was sprinting back to her dorm, her eyes stinging from trying to hold back tears. She slammed open the door to her dorm building, climbing up 4 flights of stairs, taking two at a time before reaching her door. She ripped open her bag and started rifling through it to find her key, after fumbling to get the key to fit through the lock she finally tore open her door and made a beeline for her bed. She sat in her unmade bed for hours crying and replaying what had just happened in her head, not being able to believe that Chloe had actually told Aubrey.
> 
> As she began tracing the pattern on her phone to unlock it as a quaint knock came from outside her door. She froze in her place; it could only be one person… Chloe…

Chapter six  
Word Count: 1, 753  
Rating: 

‘I’m sorry’ rang through the room and echoed through Beca’s mind. Whilst having her head buried in her hands, she felt Chloe take a step towards her; she took her head out of her hands to see that Chloe had an arm extended, about to comfort her. 

“Don’t.” She said as she brought her knees to her chest, pulling herself even further away from the redhead. 

“Beca, just listen to me, please.” Chloe pleaded, she needed this… She needed Beca…

“Give me one good reason why I should.” She said as she wiped away the tears that were now rolling down her cheeks. 

Chloe was lost, there wasn’t a single reason why she should listen; Chloe had stuffed up big time. 

A silence had settled in whilst Chloe stared at the floor wracking her brain for a response. After giving Chloe a lengthy amount of time to think, she looked up to her,   
“Exactly, that’s what I fucking thought. There isn’t a single fucking reason why I should listen; there isn’t one single reason why I should be giving you the time of fucking day.” She said as she stood up to sit at her computer; leaving Chloe standing in the middle of the room by herself.   
Whilst Beca’s back was turned Chloe stepped forwards and sat herself on Beca’s bed, placing her elbows on her knees and her face in her hands. 

“I – I know I’ve exhausted the word, but I am sorry, I really am.” Chloe began to cry.   
“I fucked up and I know it. I just wanted Aubrey to lay off of you. I know that I shouldn’t have told her” Chloe said as she wiped tears away. 

“You promised you wouldn’t.” Beca said whilst staring at her blank computer screen.

“I just wanted to help. The last thing I wanted to do was to hurt you. You mean too much to me. I honestly was just trying to help and I put my foot in it. I wanted to make you hurt less and instead I made you hurt more.” Chloe’s sleeves were drenched with her tears now.

Chloe looked up, a look of horror spread across her face. “Oh God, no, I didn’t make you, I didn’t make you do it did I?” 

Beca froze. To be honest she couldn’t remember if she had or not. 

Chloe was now crying even harder. “Oh God I’m such an idiot. I’m now the reasons behind someone’s scars on their body. I’m an awful person.” With that Chloe got up off of Beca’s bed and headed for the door. 

Beca swivelled around on her computer chair and signalled for Chloe to stay. “Chlo, no, you’re not. I didn’t I promise.” 

“Really?” She dried her tears. “You’re totally just saying that to make me feel better” She reached for the handle of the door.

“No I didn’t. Here I’ll prove it to you.” Beca said as she picked herself up off of her chair and made her way over to Chloe. Beca began to pull up her sleeve, praying that she actually hadn’t. Chloe lunged forward to peer at the cuts covering Beca’s arm, gasping at the sheer amount of them and how deep they appeared to be. Chloe’s eyes began to tear up again at the obvious sight of how much her dear friend was hurting. 

“What?” Beca questioned. 

Before Chloe could answer Beca had come to the realisation that Chloe had only seen her thigh and that she had planned on not showing her arm. “Fuck,” Beca said as she tugged her sleeves down. “Fuck, fuck, fuck...” Beca trailed off as she threw herself back down onto her computer chair and put her head into her hands. “I’m the biggest fucking idiot” Beca said under her breath. 

Chloe sat herself down on the end of Beca’s bed and turned her chair around so they were facing each other. She took Beca’s hands into her own and intertwined their fingers. “Beca, please just calm down, you aren’t an idiot, I am. And please don’t hate me for any of this; I was honestly trying to help. But, most of all, please don’t regret telling me any of this; it really does mean the world to me that you’ve opened up to me and I really hope that I haven’t ruined our friendship for us.”   
Chloe paused to look down at her hands and how Beca’s hand fitted so perfectly in her own.   
“I know that I have hurt you and I know that what I did was incredibly wrong, but is there any possible way that you could forgive me?” She said still staring down at their pair of hands.   
“Because Beca, I don’t know what I would do without you in my life. Since that first day that I invaded your shower space at the beginning of the year, you have become a big part of my life and I never want to lose you.” Chloe said as she brought her gaze up to meet Beca’s smoky blue eyes. 

Beca didn’t know what to think, she did want to forgive Chloe but at the same time she was still hurt by what she had done.   
“I- I…” Beca started, not knowing where this was going.” I don’t know. I really don’t. I trusted you and you went right ahead and let me down Chlo. I don’t know if I can trust you again.” 

Chloe began to cry. She pulled her hands away to wipe away her tears. 

“I’m sorry Chloe; I just don’t think that I can do it.” Beca was starting to feel bad.   
Chloe’s eyes met Beca’s once again; the look of sorrow and apology plagued throughout them. 

“Well I guess this is goodbye to our friendship.” Chloe sighed as she picked herself up and lead her to the door, “Just know that if you ever need anything, I’m here for you, whatever time of the day or night, I’m a phone call away.”  
She still had her back to Beca, reaching out for the door handle. “and know that I’ll be forever be apologising for fucking this up and know that most of all that I love you and that I care about you.” Chloe stood, leaning against the door frame, looking down at her hands, twirling her thumbs. As she looked up, Beca slowly swivelled around on her computer chair with tears welling in her eyes.   
“Oh God, oh God what I have done now, I didn’t mean to I swear!” Chloe exclaimed as she hurried and kneeled in front of the Brunettes chair. Beca put her hands up to her mouth, staring blankly ahead, not giving anything away in her facial expression. 

“There’s nothing wrong, you didn’t do anything.” She reassured her. Chloe looked at her puzzled, yet she was relieved that she hadn’t caused her friend any more pain. 

“I – just - no one has told me that they’d loved me before… Even if it was just in a friendly way...” Tears began to roll down her cheek; Chloe brought up a hand to wipe them away. 

“Hun” Chloe stood up to take Beca into a tight embrace. Beca willingly stood up and buried her head between Chloe’s head and chest. For a few moments they stood there just like that, content with it all as Beca sobbed into Chloe’s chest, whilst Chloe used one hand to pull Beca’s waist as close to hers and possible and her other to run through Beca’s hair, trying to calm her down. 

After a few moments of being in Chloe’s embrace, she had managed to calm down. “Ugh Chloe Beale.” She removed herself from Chloe and took a few steps forward. 

“What?” She spun around to face Beca, with a confused look on her face. 

“Is it possible to stay mad at you?” Beca sighed. 

Chloe beamed. “Oh yes. Many people have vendettas out against me.” 

“Hm, well I’d like to know who they are so they can give me hints and tips.” Beca smirked. 

“Hey, I said I was sorry. I tried to patch the fuck up that I made. You can’t possibly hate me for that.” 

“No, I can’t and that’s the problem.” She began to laugh

Chloe took a giant step towards Beca and scooped her up into a hug. “Ahh I’m so glad you’re laughing.” 

“Uhh yeah, it’s kind of this thing that us humans do. It’s great you should try it sometime.” Beca poked Chloe in the ribs with her elbow. 

“Oh stop it Mitchell, we both know that I am the Queen of laughter around here.” She stood taller, putting her shoulders back and lifting her chin. 

“Oh, okay Beale. I see how it is.” Beca stood with her arms crossed, trying to stand as tall as she could.

“Oh naw, you look so cute with your arms crossed and making a pouty face.” Chloe said as she pinched Beca’s right cheek. 

“Ow… My cheek...” Beca exclaimed and Chloe removed her hand from her face. 

As soon as she had removed her hand she saw why Beca had exclaimed her pain; in place of Chloe’s forefinger and thumb was a big red mark covering Beca’s cheek. 

“Aww, I’m sorry. Here let me kiss it better for you.” Chloe said as she slightly lent down to plant a kiss on Beca’s cheek. 

Beca’s heart stopped as she felt the velvety softness touch her cheek and as she inhaled she took in a waft of Chloe’s perfume; all previous thoughts had now been forgotten as her thoughts were now plagued by this ginger standing in front of her. As Chloe removed her lips from Beca’s cheek, she slowly stood back up again; keeping her eyes locked with Beca’s; much longer than either of them cared to know. The look of lust was evident in Beca’s eyes and Chloe would have had to be blind not to see it, but she would have been lying if she didn’t feel the same way. Chloe searched Beca’s eyes, her face for a single clue or hint as to what she should do next. But luckily she didn’t have to do anything, because Beca had noticed the hunger and the lust in Chloe’s eyes that she could feel in her own. So ever so slowly Beca stood up on tippy toes and leaned forward so she was level with Chloe and ever so slowly the brought her lips to meet Chloe’s in a soft, tender kiss. 

A/N: And that’s the end of this chapter! WHOOO Tbh, I have no idea when the next one will be out, so if you guys just harass me like you did with this chapter, it will be out sooner. Also I’m not sure if I’m going to write any smut in this fic, if that’s a thing that you guys want just let me know and I might make that happen. Again I would just like to thank everyone who has kept reading despite my lack of updating, school and my personal life have become very hard, so getting time to just chill and write fic is hard at the moment. Nevertheless, I will always come back and update, it just might take me a while! Have a good one guys xx


	7. chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I’ve apologized and made excuses every time I’ve uploaded a chapter, so this one isn’t going to be any different. At the moment this kind of feels like a chore but, I really hope my writing hasn’t come across that way, I’m sure it’s just because all the work I have and the lack of sleep I’ve been getting. Either way I’ll still update for you guys.   
> With that said the next month is hell for me, so I’m sorry if I don’t update soon. Sorry but exams, QCS, uni interviews and school in general has to take priority.   
> I hope you guys understand.   
> Also, thank you for the feedback on the last chapter, it was greatly appreciated.   
> I love you all. Thank you for sticking with me.   
> xx

Chapter Seven 

“That’s a wrap!” Aubrey said, announcing the end of yet another Bella’s rehearsal. At the end of each rehearsal Aubrey would approach of the girls and borderline harass them about not knowing their parts or coming in a beat late in bar 29; to say that it was petty would be an understatement. As Beca was gathering up her belongings, she found that Aubrey was approaching her. Her heart began to race; she knew what she was going to talk to her about. Beca thought that she had gotten away with it, as Aubrey hadn’t approached her last rehearsal, obviously Beca was wrong.

“What’s wrong with you?” Aubrey said as she pulled up a seat next to Beca. “Normally people wait until after I’ve gotten mad at them to get that worried look on their face. 

“Hahah yeah… Uh… sorry.” Beca tried to shake it off. 

“Anyway, getting back to getting mad at you...” Aubrey had to remind herself “You really need to pay more attention during rehearsals; you haven’t been pulling your weight in the last two. You’re slipping and I won’t have that. You need to get your eyes and thoughts off of a certain redhead and onto this music” Aubrey said pointing to the music in her hands. 

“Also, on a slightly unrelated note, I know what happened. I swear to the high heavens that if you do something to my Chloe, you won’t live to tell the tale. Chloe is a special person and it’s obvious that you mean a lot to her, when she told me about you, about your secret I could see how important you were to her. Beca, she isn’t an idiot, she was trying to help you.” Aubrey looked at her reassuringly as she stood up and started to rifle through her bag.

“And yes, your secret is safe with me and as long as your bracelets aren’t too distracting you can wear them. Ohh maybe we could start a thing, Bella coloured bracelets. Anyway…” Aubrey digressed as she pulled out a note pad and a piece of paper and she started to scribble down something. 

“Chlo, what’s your number again?” The blonde shouted across the Auditorium. Chloe began to rattle of numbers as the blonde quickly jotted them down in her note pad before Aubrey tore off the piece of paper and handed it to Beca. She looked at the blonde with a confused look plaguing her face.   
“They’re our mobile numbers dufus” Aubrey said as she rolled her eyes at Beca. 

“Okay, no. I obviously got that part, contrary to popular belief I am not a complete and utter idiot.” Beca said as she returned the eye roll. 

Chloe made her way over from her seat as she appeared behind Aubrey and said “It’s in case you ever need either of us. So you can call whenever you need to.” Aubrey looked at Chloe in disagreement. 

“um, as long as it’s a reasonable time or the night before an exam, oh or I have an assignment or work to be doing” Aubrey corrected. 

“Fine, you can call me whenever you need to. I don’t care what time of the day it is, whether or not I have an exam, whenever, you can call.” Chloe said as she looked at Aubrey. 

“I, uh, thank you?” Beca was unsure of what she should say. No one had really ever been this nice to her before. 

“Anyway, I should leave you two to it.” Aubrey announced before she headed for the exit. “Oh and don’t forget to lock up, I don’t want anyone else this here and finding out our set list” Aubrey pocked her head back in the door as she tossed her keys across the auditorium to the redhead.   
“Mm because our set is such a surprise” Beca said underneath her breath.

Beca then found herself staring at the ground, not knowing what to say. If Beca was honest, she’d actually been avoiding this… Avoiding Chloe… 

“What’s wrong?” Chloe said trying to catch Beca’s gaze. 

“Nothing’s wrong,” Beca was lying through her back teeth and they both knew it. “Okay, no, I was just kinda hoping that I wouldn’t be put in this situation.” Beca said as she gestured between the two of them. 

A moment passed as Chloe tried to make sense of what Beca had just said, to her knowledge everything was okay. “…What situation?” Chloe said, beyond confused. 

“Being forced to talk to you, after what happened the other night, I don’t really know what to say or do.” Beca said as she stared at her hands, twirling her thumbs.

“So… You regret it?” Chloe was hoping that the next answer was going to be no, because she sure as hell didn’t; in fact it had been the only thing that Chloe could think about. 

“Well no, I just kinda assumed that I had fucked up big time because you only surround yourself with super hot guys and what not. So I just assumed that you didn’t like it and that I should just forget it because it’s obviously never ever going to happen again.” Beca blurted out, she hoped that Chloe had caught it all because she sure wasn’t up for repeating any of it.

“…So you didn’t regret it?” Chloe was still kind of hazy. 

“I, well, um-“ 

“Yes or no Beca.” Chloe had cut off her blubbering. 

“No, I don’t regret it.” Beca said whilst staring at the ground. 

“Good” Chloe said, trying to catch Beca’s gaze, beaming. 

“Hm..yeah..” Beca wasn’t really paying attention. “Oh wait, what now?” She had just realised what the redhead had said. 

“I said that I didn’t regret it either” Chloe said laughing. 

“But, but you go for the hot chiselled guys that belong in ‘vouge’” Beca was baffled

“ Hey now, I’m not shallow, not that you aren’t smoking, you are but, I don’t only go for models.” Chloe reassured a concerned Beca. “Plus, you mustn’t pay much attention when I’m with them.”   
Beca just stood there confused. “oh hun, I’m not hanging around them for their package. Surprisingly enough they are super nice, plus they’ve been helping me with girl troubles.” With Beca still looking baffled Chloe continued to say “They were helping me hit on you because I’m gay and I really like you” Chloe dead panned as she put her arm around Beca’s shoulders.

Beca went bright red “No way, I would have put money on the fact you were straight.” 

“Well, be glad that you didn’t, you would have lost all of it.” Chloe reassured her. Beca still looked lost, the red head tried to help her out, “Chloe, me, is GAY. Me muff muncher not cock cruncher.”

“But hang on, I’ve spent the last week or so trying to get you out of my head because I thought that you were straight. I cannot believe this, I’m an idiot.” 

“Naw hun, no you aren’t, you just have a terrible gaydar.” Chloe tried to reassure her. 

“Wait…”Beca said as she turned to face the redhead “But, I’m gay and I really like you” 

“Mm I hadn’t quiet noticed” She said winking at the brunette. Beca could have killed her for that. 

“Well I guess we better help each other out and date one another then.”

“God damn it Beale, you mean that it would have been that easy for me all along?” 

“Well possibly, remember that I do have a certain charm over you.” Chloe joked. 

“So that’s a yes.” Beca joked. “Anyway, would you care to grab a bite to eat before heading our separate ways’?”

“Beca Mitchell!” Chloe squealed. “Are you asking me out on a date?” 

“I- I guess I am” Beca blushed

“Well… I accept”

As they both collected up their things and headed out of the auditorium Beca carefully extended out her hand and held Chloe’s carefully in her own. As they walked across the green they were victim to some stares and wolf whistles but, truth be told Beca didn’t like it; she didn’t like people looking at her, she hated being the centre of attention.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry about this delay but, started reading back over what I had written and looking where the story was going as I felt that the deeper more serious side of the story was lying too closely to my personal life. Needless to say I wasn't comfortable with it, so I had to do a bit of thinking and re writing. So, I'm super sorry about the few month delay.
> 
> Again, thank you to everyone who is sticking with me on this.
> 
> xo

**Chapter 8**

**Chapter Review: Chapter**

_"Chloe, me, is GAY. Me muff muncher not cock cruncher."_

_"But hang on, I've spent the last week or so trying to get you out of my head because I thought that you were straight. I cannot believe this, I'm an idiot."_

_"Naw hun, no you aren't, you just have a terrible gaydar." Chloe tried to reassure her._

_"Wait…"Beca said as she turned to face the redhead "But, I'm gay and I really like you"_

_"Mm I hadn't quiet noticed" She said winking at the brunette. Beca could have killed her for that._

_"Well I guess we better help each other out and date one another then."_

_"God damn it Beale, you mean that it would have been that easy for me all along?"_

_"Well possibly, remember that I do have a certain charm over you." Chloe joked._

_"So that's a yes." Beca joked. "Anyway, would you care to grab a bite to eat before heading our separate ways'?"_

_"Beca Mitchell!" Chloe squealed. "Are you asking me out on a date?"_

_"I- I guess I am" Beca blushed_

_"Well… I accept"_

_As they both collected up their things and headed out of the auditorium Beca carefully extended out her hand and held Chloe's carefully in her own. As they walked across the green they were victim to some stares and wolf whistles but, truth be told Beca didn't like it; she didn't like people looking at her, she hated being the centre of attention._

* * *

Chloe was sitting on her bed trying to finish studying for her phycology test but, she couldn't get the thought of being Beca's girlfriend out of her mind. Because of this little brunette, Chloe hadn't really paid much attention to the lecture content but she couldn't wait to her the little brunette back in her arms again. Meanwhile, Beca was across campus thinking exactly the same thing at least that was until her thoughts were broken by a loud thumping coming from the other side of her door.

"Well it isn't for me" Kimmy Jin said she looked up from her work, leaving Beca to answer the door. As she began to open the door it flung open, her father threw it open.

"About time you opened the god damn door Beca!"

"Geez, sorry, don't get your knickers in a twist Dad."

"Don't you dare tell me what to do young lady!" Her Dad was becoming more and more upset with her. As Mr Mitchel began his rampage Kimmy Jin quickly collected up her things and left the room.

"How could you do this Beca?! How on Earth could you do this to me, to the family name and most of all how could you do this to yourself?! This is utterly appalling, you and your little friend are both disgusting and I cannot fathom why you think it's okay!" Beca was wrought with confusion but, the pure anger and disdain that was so blatant in her father's voice alone brought her to tears.

"I don't know what you're going on about Dad." Beca said as her father paused.

"What do you mean you don't bloody well know? Of course you do!" As Beca's confusion began to grow deeper and more evident across her face her father continued. "Now you don't even recognise that what you're doing is wrong? I'm more disappointed in you than I realised." Beca's heart sank.

"You have been strutting around campus hand in hand with another FEMALE! Beca, that goes against EVERTHING that we stand for. You know better than that! I want all of this to end at once, I want you to get on your phone and tell her that everything is over. Do you share any classes with her?"

Beca was a mess, she had brought her knees up to her chest and she was sobbing, it had only been a few moments but she was already hurting from crying. "Answer me!" Beca flinched.

As a few more moments past Beca stood to her feet. "We don't stand for the same thing, maybe if you had been there for more through all of those years than we might have the same fucked up morals and standards. How do you expect to follow your example when you haven't given me one to follow?" Beca began to realise what she had just done, she began to take small steps back, afraid of what her so called 'Father' might do.

As Beca was taking steps back, he began to take steps forward; he raised his hand high above his head and began bringing it down quickly, a loud smack resonated through the room as his hand came in contact with Beca's cheek. Her eyes began to well as she felt the sting becoming unbearable on her cheek. She fell to the floor holding her cheek and sobbing. Everything had happened so slowly; Beca closed her eyes as the memories came flooding back to her. Everything about her Father when she was little and why he left, why he claimed to be a new man. Everything clicked into place and Beca didn't want to remember any of it.

As Mr Mitchell looked between his hand and his daughter, he turned to make sure that they were completely alone before going to walk out of the dorm. As he reached for the door handle the door was flung open from the other side; Chloe ran in past him.

"Beca, what's wrong?" Chloe was suddenly at her level and she had her arms around her Beca, paying no attention to Mr Mitchell.

"I heard a cry from down the hall and I knew that it was you straight away."

"Chloe, don't." Beca said as she pulled herself away from the ginger.

"Chloe!?" Mr Mitchell turned around whilst standing in the doorframe.

She looked up towards the man in the doorframe to see anger and disgust across his face.

"I want you out of this dorm and I want you to stay out. I also want you out of my daughters life, say goodbye because this is the last time that you will see her." Chloe quickly rose to her feet before he had a chance to leave.

"Just because you think that you have some form of authority in this so called institute of nourishment does not mean that you have any say over Beca or myself. If you hadn't noticed, we are both over 22 and neither of us need your permission for anything." Chloe was now standing tall in the middle of the dorm, defending Beca from her Father.

"I would be careful if I were you Chloe, I could make your life here at Bardon here a living hell. Hell, I could even get your tuition cancelled." He said looking content with his threat.

"That would be great, go ahead please. Cancel my fully payed tuition; I'm sure my parents would love to get in contact with you about that. I'm sure whilst you're riffling through my file you'll find out a little more about who will be contacting you." Chloe slyly said, as she looked him up and down.

"Oh don't you worry Chloe, soon enough I'll have every little one of your blemishes on your record." God, Mr Mitchell was just getting cocky now. As he began to turn the corner around their door Chloe called after him.

"To give you a head start my last name is Beale." The corner of her mouth turned up in a little smile as she awaited his reaction.

"Uh- you don't mean?" He suddenly became very hesitant. Chloe nodded.

"Mr David and Mrs Hannah  _Beale_. You know them, don't you?" Chloe taunted.

"Um, have a nice day girls." Mr Mitchell said before quickly closing their door and running out of the dorm.

Chloe was still standing tall, hands on her hips with her head high when she realised that Beca still needed her attention.

"Hun, are you okay?" She said as she knelt down to Beca, who was still on the floor, cradling her face. Beca was in awe of what she had just witnessed. Beca just began to turn herself around, so she was facing away from Chloe.

"No hun, we need talk." Chloe reached out for Beca as she began to stand up.

Beca began to make her way to her bed, standing on it so she could rifle through the bookshelves behind it. After a few moments she pulled out a big black box an emptied the contents one by one, until she found what she was after. Beca removed an even smaller black box, which contained her most cherished item; her blades.

"Hun, what are you doing?" Chloe said as she moved towards the brunette, with growing concern as she saw her starting to shake.

Beca was staring down at the blades in her hands, not sure of how she got here or what she should do next. Absentmindedly, Beca slowly began to turn to face Chloe… blades still in her hands.

Tears began to stream down Beca's face again. "I… I just need to do this." She picked up a blade from her hand and pulled up the sleave on her right arm.

It began to dawn on Chloe that Beca was about to harm herself. She lunged forward, towards the younger girl.

"No, no, no, no, no hun." Chloe took Beca into a tight embrace and the younger girl broke down further. Realising that the sharp implements were still in her hands, Chloe removed herself from Beca, putting her hands over Beca's and placing them between themselves.

"We are just going to put these back, okay?" Chloe said, looking between their hands and Beca.

"But I need – I just need to do it." Beca said, staring at her hands.

"Come on hun, look you deserve better. But we are just going to take little steps. I'm right here with you, I care about you Beca." Her eyes were latched onto Beca's dark blue ones.

Beca sighed, "I – uh, okay. I, I guess so." As she looked up to see Chloe looking down to her; her light blue eyes that were starting to water.

Chloe opened up their hands, allowing Beca to take the steps to putting the blades back where they came from.

"I don't think I can do this." She said as she looked up to Chloe, a blade still in her hand.

"I believe in you Beca." Chloe said as she raised a hand to Beca's face, wiping away a tear as it rolled down her cheek.

Beca had done it; she had placed her blades back in the box and placed it out of harms way… For the moment.

Now there was silence. Chloe didn't know what to do and Beca had thoughts consuming her. As a strand of brown hair fell into Beca's face, Chloe reached down to place it back behind Beca's ears only to then lean down to place a kiss on her forehead.

All of this was completely new to Beca. Throughout her life she had always felt like the raisin cookie in a bowl full of chocolate chip cookies; everyone seem disappointed that she wasn't chocolate. But it almost seemed like Chloe Beale was searching for raisins.

Beca couldn't handle everything that was going on, so once again she broke down into tears, collapsing into Chloe's chest. "Shhh, it's all going to be okay. I promise." Chloe said as she ran her hand through Beca's hair and kissed her forehead.

* * *

"I'm so sorry." Beca said as she looked up to the ginger.

"About what?"

"Everything" Beca felt ashamed that Chloe had seen any of that.

"Don't be ashamed hun. I get it; it's okay. Just know that I'll always be here for you." Chloe said as she placed another kiss on Beca's head.

Beca sat up. "What do you mean you get it? How did you know I was ashamed?" To say that she was curious was an understatement.

"Shh hun, it's late and we should get some sleep, especially after what's happened today. But I promise that I'll tell you in the morning."

Beca could tell that there was sadness in her voice, not a lot, but it was enough for Beca to know that she is okay and that the subject shouldn't be pushed.

"Okay, in the morning." Beca agreed; as she slid back down to rest her head on Chloe's chest. After a few moments Beca had fallen asleep listening to the rise and fall of Chloe's chest as she slowly inhaled and exhaled; however, Chloe couldn't sleep, all she could do was pray that Beca would forger about asking her she had mentioned tonight in the morning.

**A/N: Please let me know what you think and what you'd like to happen (: xx**


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, we all know that I'm a horrible person and I never update, move along.
> 
> I started writing this over my Christmas break LAST YEAR but, I really didn't know where to go with it or what to do so I just sat on it and tried to forget about it. I'm sorry, I really am. Chapter 10 should be up by the new year - if anyone wants to leave me any suggestions on where it should go or what you want to see happen, I'd love you.
> 
> Buckle in for a sad chapter, folks.

It had been a long weekend for Beca. Chloe had stayed up late with Beca on Saturday night, whilst Beca then stayed up till the early hours of Monday morning finishing her creative technology assignment. Programming a soundboard to compensate an orchestra was not Beca's idea of fun. At least it gave her something to think about, other than her father and what had happened Friday night. Throughout the entirety of Saturday, Chloe kept asking her if she was okay and if she needed to talk about anything; time after time Beca was hesitant in her reply, politely saying she was okay before she kept on working. The first few times took Beca by surprise, before now no one cared if she was okay and therefore no one bothered to ask her.

Beca was running to the Auditorium after submitting her latest assignment. Although Aubrey knew that she was going to be late, she didn't want Aubrey to have any more reason for her to mad at her. As she pulled her phone out of her pocket to glance at the time she realised that she was already a tad too late and she as still on the other side of campus.

The longest ten minutes of Beca's life had passed before she reached the doors to the Auditorium. As Beca quickly entered through the doors apologizing profusely Aubrey stopped the rehearsal to tell her shut up and to get into position before continuing. Beca did as she was told not once looking for Chloe, the redhead didn't know if that upset her or not.

After a few hours of blocking and cardio had passed, Aubrey called for a campfire. All the girls just stood in their places, perplexed and confused.

"Campfire, before I grow old and senile would be good." Aubrey said as she collected her chair.

As the girls were exchanging confused looks Amy took it upon herself to question Aubrey. "I was just assuming that it was another wacked colloquialism but, as the others are as confused as I am I'm going to guess 'campfire' is a term limited to you."

"Are you all kidding me?" Aubrey seemed genuinely shocked that the others didn't know the term that was so familiar to her. "You just assemble your seats in a circle, like you would around a campfire." Aubrey said as the others ahhed in realisation. As the girls sat with their feet underneath knees, back straight and head high Aubrey laughed, "For the remaining 3 hours we won't be singing, we will be doing something a little harder. Well at least it will be easier for some, but for most of us – not so much."

"We aren't actually going to try and build a campfire are we?" Needless to say, Stacie wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed.

"Can we burn someone at the steak, like they did in Salem?" Lily was working on not being so creepy with her statements – and to be fair, that was not as nearly as bad as some of the things she's said in the past.

Chloe was doubled over in laughter whilst Aubrey had her face buried in her hands, "How on Earth have I been surviving with you lot?" Aubrey shook her head as she let out a slight laugh. "You totally let them in, I had no say in it." Aubrey lightly joked but as she turned to her left to poke Chloe in the ribs she realised that she hadn't been listening to the Blonde. Chloe was sitting cross legged on her chair, staring across to Beca, who was sitting in her chair –knees crossed, slumped back and staring into her own lap, lost in thought; she almost looked concerned.

"Well, what are we going to do that's so 'terrifying' then?" Cynthia Rose broke the silence.

"We are going to get to know each other!" Chloe was too excited; meanwhile a slight moan came from a few of the remaining girls.

"You don't even know the half of it yet" Aubrey smirked. "First and foremost it is a requirement that you share with the group – no exceptions. Secondly it has to be something deep, or if you prefer, there are two other options. You may have someone else say your secret on your behalf. They may say what they please. You don't get a choice in what they reveal. Or thirdly, you can have us guess; however, if we don't get your sub par secret right you have to tell us your deepest one. The one that made your stomach churn and your back straighten. The one that gives you nightmares about people find you out, that one. You all know the one I mean and don't think for a freaking minute that I won't be able to call your bluff. No one bullshits Aubrey Posen. No. One."

Chloe was sitting feet underneath knees, back straight, shoulders back and, with the biggest grin plastered across her face. She couldn't wait. Apart from hitting those high E's, this was her forte. Chloe was well and truly within her element.

Meanwhile, the other girls were hunched over trying to decide how much they were willing to open up to the others.

Beca sat up, "Um, ah, Au-Aubrey?" It was almost like the brunette was taking a page out of Lily's book. She could hardly be heard.

"Ooh, is this Beca volunteering to go first?" Aubrey was well aware that this was not the case; however, the other Bellas sat up in hope that it was.

"No, no; nonononononononono Aubrey. No." Beca was waving her hands around in front of herself. "I was wondering if all of this was really necessary? We all know each other pretty well by now"

The others backed her up by furiously nodding.

"If you all know each other so well, then you shouldn't have a problem opening up to them." Aubrey paused as she took her seat. "To answer your question yes, it's necessary. We really need to be as cohesive and connected as we can when we set out on that stage and I think this is the best way to achieve to level of trust and connectivity. Running around this auditorium can only do so much, you know."

It was becoming painstakingly clear to the girls that Aubrey wasn't going to budge on this; like everything else she does with (or rather, too) the Bellas. They collectively let out a moan.

"Hey, don't hate me for this. This wasn't my idea." Aubrey wiggled her index finger in front of herself.

The girls were confused.

"This was all Chloe." She gestured to the suddenly less cheerful redhead.

"That wasn't necessary Bri. You could have left that little detail out. Anyway, let's dig in. Please? Yes? Good. Thanks." Needless to say she was on the receiving end of some pretty nasty dirty looks. She noted the particularly bad dagger eyes from Jessica and Cynthia. Although Beca could have been just as bad as them Chloe couldn't bring herself to glance past the brunette to find out how she had reacted. She just assumed that Beca wouldn't be happy with her in the slightest but she couldn't cope with an upset Beca right now.

"Okay, now that Chloe and I are hated equally by the lot of you, let's get started." Aubrey said whilst clasping her hands together.

"And here I was hoping that there would be a light hearted start to this really upsetting activity." Chloe shook her head.

"Now unless anyone whished to volunteer to go first, I'll pull the first name from the hat." She said as she pulled out a paper filled hat from her bag. It was almost as if she were on a cooking show and she had pulled out a fully prepared beef casserole that she 'had prepared earlier'. Imagining her cooking with Ainsley Harriott was quiet an entertaining thought.

"Let's see, shall we?" Aubrey says as she raises the hat above head height to show she isn't peeking to choose a name. "Oh this is going to be good!"

The Bellas waited in anticipation. "Just tell us dude!" Cynthia wasn't having any of Aubrey's crap.

"Chloe." Aubrey says as she turns the paper to face the group.

"What! Bri, we weren't going to play. What's my name doing in there?!"

"Of course we are. Why wouldn't we, you need to be able to trust them as they're about to trust you. It's not my idea of fun either Chlo. Well take the stage Ms Beale" Aubrey was now being snarky as she settled into her seat.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

_I hope everyone enjoyed the last chapter. I’m sorry it ended so abruptly, I had a lot of this chapter on the end but I wasn’t finished and I wanted to post something, so I just chopped it up. A few little things are uncovered in this chapter and most of it takes place where the last chapter left off. I’m going to be frank and upfront, I don’t know when I will post next. I will post again I just don’t know when. I’m sorry._

_Please review and please stick with me._

_Thank you._

_xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

_“Oh God, what do I say? How deep do I go?”_ Chloe really wasn’t prepared for this. “Okay, give me a minute” _“Okay, deep enough that Beca doesn’t know but still light enough that Aubrey does.”_

“Oh and just to clarify before Chloe _does_ decide to go, all of this has to be new to everyone here. You can’t have already told the secret to anyone before.” Although Chloe (and pretty much everyone else) thought that this was just her being a bitch, Aubrey had made the decision based on what she knew about Beca already. She didn’t want the already fragile looking brunette to forced into anything too fresh too soon. Even Aubrey knows that forcing Beca to talk about that was a stupid and insensitive thing to do.

_“Fuck fuck fuck Aubrey.”_ Chloe glared at the blonde to her left. “Thanks.” She said as she lowered her head to her hands. “Okay, I give up. Guess. Have at me.” In all honesty Chloe was just hoping that one of the other girls would come up with something totally obscure that she could just run with. Heavens know she didn’t want to have to reveal anything deeper than what Aubrey knew. In quiet a few cases she wouldn’t even have considered opening up about half the stuff the blonde DID know about.

A silence fell over the rest of the group; no one knew where to start, or who should start or, deep and serious they should get right off the bat.

After a few long moments Aubrey loudly clasped her hands together. “Okay, we need to do something to make this process a lot quicker and a _lot_ less painless.” Aubrey paused. “We’ll go around the circle, anticlockwise from the Bella in question.”

After numerous unsuccessful guesses ranging from depression to child abuse and all the way to her having a far-flung form of cancer, it was Aubrey’s turn to guess for Chloe.

“Well Beca took the guess of child abuse right out of my mouth. I really don’t know what you could have left Chlo.” Aubrey had been by her side since they were teenagers, there surely can’t be anything left that Chloe hasn’t told her. _“She’s got to be bluffing.”_ “So, I’m going to guess that your eldest brother used to hate you when you were kids or that you’re an orphan.” It was shit but it’s all Aubrey could come up with.

“Sam? No way. He couldn’t hurt a fly and you know that and really? Bree you’ve seen the video of my Mum giving birth to me” A resounding ‘ewwwwww’ came from the others.

“Yeah, don’t ask. I don’t remember how we ended up in that predicament,” She said whilst stifling a laugh. Aubrey shrugged.

“No, okay. I have really big trust issues.” The group looked at her confused. “I know whoopdie do, right? No big reveal of deep torment or physical damage; just trust issues. A lot happened to me throughout high school and after about grade 10 I distanced myself from everyone in my cohort, I just stopped talking to people.”

Aubrey burrowed her brows trying to remember back to when she was 16 and being in the grade above the blonde.

“From then on there I’ve really, really struggled with opening up and being honest with new people. As you may have noticed I’m fine with new people on a face to face value but, once they try to delve any deeper and try to find out about me I cut them off and just leave in the opposite direction. To be honest I don’t think there will really be a time where I’m fully comfortable with completely opening up and discussing certain things again. Like, there are things that Aubrey knows or, well used to know, that I never want to tell anyone again. It just frightens me that people are going to somehow know about it after finding out the stupidest things about me. But then there are the fears of just people coming into my life and making themselves apart of me and then leaving without warning, just cutting me off. But like, it gets even weirder because this is why I don’t drive. It’s too much for me to trust everyone else driving and it’s why I don’t like others driving me.”

Chloe’s voice began to get quicker as she became more flustered with what she was talking about; her eyes wondering around the floor, not wanting to make eye contact with anyone. She could feel more and more anxiety welling up and she began to realise that she’d already shared too much with the group. She began breathing heavier and using quicker hand movements until it became too much for her and she stopped dead in her tracks.

“Chlo, are you okay?” Aubrey quickly stood up from her chair to console an anxiety ridden Chloe. The rest of the Bella’s also began to rise from their seats.

“I’m fine, just please continue.” She waved Aubrey away.

Aubrey raised the bowl above her head for a second time. The room stops as she unfolds the crumpled piece of paper.

“Jessica” Aubrey reads as the rest of the room releases the breath they were holding.

“Oh man, okay.” Jessica shuffles in her chair. “I’m just going to come out and say it, because having everyone go around the room and guess would be far too painful and I want this over and done with as soon as possible.” She took a few deep breathes before continuing. “It’s sort of in the same vein as Chloe’s, but kind of not. As some of you might have noticed, I like to keep myself distant towards others; I like to keep them at arms length, if you will. I purposely try to not make any real, close friends.”

The group of girls shared the same confused look.

“But you’re so friendly, you’d be an excellent friend.” Cynthia offered, trying to make sense of her.

“Thanks Cynth, but it’s not because of me. In high school, during my junior year I lost my best friend.” Her voice was quiet, yet articulate.

“Oh, we’ve all been there.” Chloe Piped up.

“No, I really lost her. Like she was there one day, gone the next.” Jessica sighed as she ran her hand through her loose hair. “I never even got to say goodbye.”

“Whoa, take a few steps back.” Amy was blunt, but the other girls were silently thankful, as they wanted the blanks to be filled in just as badly.

“Oh man, okay, um just listen carefully because I really don’t want to have to say it again. Um in my junior year my best friends Mum killed her before school one morning, before she drowned herself in Bard Lake.” Jessica’s hand began to shake as she brought it up to her face.

The room was still. No one knew what to do or what to say. The room’s silence was broken by Chloe’s hesitancy.

“Ah, Jessica, where are you from again?”

“Thousand Oaks, California. It’s kind of tucked aw-“ Chloe cut her off before she could finish her sentence.

Chloe ran her hand through her hair as she and Aubrey looked to one another.

“Senior year, that week we got off.” Aubrey and Chloe where in perfect unison, it almost seemed they were rehearsed. Aubrey’s gaze slowly trailed down to the concrete floor in disbelief as Chloe threw her arms open to console Jessica.

“It was all over the news. That Thousand Oaks mother.” Aubrey still couldn’t believe the situation she was in. “We couldn’t drive anywhere, walk anywhere, get anywhere. Everything was closed or quartered off by the police. We all had so much trouble getting home from school that day. Then we had special assemblies left, right and centre talking to us about mental health and making sure our friends were okay.” Her voice was getting quicker and she was throwing her arms around whilst recalling the time in their senior year. “No one knew how to deal with any of it and it was like were in a dystopian, post-apocalyptic world of some sort –“

“AUBREY” Chloe cut her off, whilst holding Jessica.

“What?” Aubrey looked up. “Oh sorry.” No one had seen either Jessica or Aubrey like this. The girls now knew that this wasn’t going to be a walk in the park.

Jessica frantically looked between the two girls, “Wait, you didn’t go to La Reina high did you?”

Chloe breathed “Yep” as she hugged Jessica tighter.

A deafening silence fell over the group before Beca sighed “Jesus fucking Christ” whilst massaging her forehead.

Chloe squeezed Jessica once more before making her way back to her own seat.  It was fair to say that no one wanted to be pulled from the hat before, but now the want to go last was unreal. The nervous tension was so high the girls felt as though they were being crushed by the sheer weight of it.

Aubrey took in a deep breath before she picked up the hat once more. As she unfolded the small piece of paper it seemed that the girls were all caught on the same breath.

“Cynthia Rose.” The remaining girls let out a sigh.

“Well it had to come sooner or later.” Cynthia said as she wiped her sweaty palms against her jeans. “Okay y’all listen up, I really don’t want to give any back story and I’m only going to say it once.” She once again wiped her sweaty palms against her upper thighs. “I’m adopted.”

There was silence. Beca broke it as she brought her hand up to her mouth a breathed “Oh man.”

Cynthia sat stagnate in her chair lightly nodding, trying to urge Aubrey to move on and to choose another girl. Although it was Chloe’s attention she gained. She moved things along by reaching down to pick up the hat to draw another name.

“Aubrey.” Chloe called, disrupting the silence.

“Yeah?” The rest of the girls looked up.

“You’re next chickadee.” Chloe said as she sat back into her chair.

And with that all traces of confidence and self-esteem flew out the window, being replaced by crippling anxiety.

Chloe sat waiting, wanting to know what her best friend was going to share because she knew that the blonde had kept things from her over the years.

“Holy Mother of Destinies Child, okay.” Aubrey breathed. To say that she was nervous would have been an understatement.

“So, uh, this probably isn’t going to go the way that you all think it’s going to.” She wasn’t going for shock factor, but there were only a small handful of things that Chloe didn’t already know about.

“-“ She opened her mouth but nothing came out. She took a deep breath before trying again. “I’m- I’m,” She couldn’t get the words out. “g-g-gay.” Aubrey was met with confused faces as she slid further back into her chair, slouching into her hands; tears began to roll down her cheeks.  

Chloe leant over to hug her best friend. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner? You know I’ll still love you.”

“I tried to, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.” If Aubrey was being honest with herself it was actually because she felt as if she wasn’t normal because she happened to be gay.

“It’s okay Aubrey, just because you like girls doesn’t make you different. It’s all cool.” The small voice surprised Aubrey. She looked up to find Beca, of all people, looking up to her. All she could offer to the younger girl was a slight nod.

As Chloe released Aubrey from her embrace Stacey and Beca exchanged worried looks; knowing that they were the last names in the hat.

Aubrey looked up between the girls as she wiped away the last tears. Aubrey picked the hat up for the last time and pulled out a name.

“I'm okay with not reading this out if one of you wants to volunteer.” The whole ordeal was excruciating enough as it was and she couldn't imagine the added stress of going last.

There was a silence until Stacey spoke to Beca, “If you don't mind, I really don't want to be last.” Beca motioned for the tall brunette to continue.

The smaller girl was somewhat relieved as she prolonged her turn but also even more anxious as she had just prolonged her turn. It was a conflicting emotion to say the least.

Beca’s train of thought was interrupted by Stacey's small shaky voice.

“I, uh, oh gosh maybe I should have let Beca go first.” Stacey took in a few deep breaths to calm herself before continuing. “Over the last summer I had a miscarriage.” She paused, “I became pregnant the Christmas break out of high school so I decided to take a gap year to sort everything out, but my body couldn't handle it. Everything just shut down and I lost him.” She stopped once more to wipe away tears and to clam herself down.

The rest of the girls also had to dry their faces, not knowing how to react to this.

Chloe moved over to Stacey, bending down to give her the tightest hug she could. “I'm so so sorry Stacey, that's horrible.” Her voice was hushed yet audible by all.

Glancing around the room Aubrey took in how the others had reacted to Stacey: Cynthia Rose was focusing on the ground under her feet, whilst To her left Jessica was looking up towards the ceiling trying to get her tears to stop.  To the right of Cynthia Rose was Beca. She was panicked to say the least, anxiety riddled her face and she looked as white as a ghost. Beca was so caught up in her turn being next and what she was going to say that Aubrey was sure that the small girl hadn’t heard a word of Stacey’s. She turned her attention back to the tall brunette to hear her finish what she had to say.

As each girl calmed themselves down they began to turn around to face Beca; knowing she was the last left. Only Beca wasn’t in her seat. They all turned to one another confused, all jumping when the auditorium door slammed.

“Ah, sorry. I acciditentally let it go.” Beca said slowly making her way across the large room.

“Where have you been and how long have you been gone?” It came across probably a little harsher than Aubrey meant.

Beca was a little taken aback. She stopped in her tracks, “I just needed to grab a drink and clear my head a little. Sorry.” She ran her hand through her hair and continued onto her seat.

“You shouldn’t have just left like that-“ Aubrey was interrupted.

“I know and I’m sorry for not hearing Stacey finish and I know it was rude and I know it’s my turn so chill Aubrey. Stacey, I’m sorry.” Beca was coming to her end with Aubrey today. She thought that this would be beneficial for their friendship (or lack thereof ) but having Aubrey open up just made her cattier and hate Beca worse by the looks of things.

“It’s okay, Beca”. It’s not that Stacey didn’t care, she was still caught up in calming herself down.

As Beca sat down everyone was turned, facing her looking, waiting for her secret.

“I’m going to be honest, I have no idea what to tell you.” She threw her hands up.

“I thought that having none of you know me that well, or _at all_ really, would make this thing a lot easier but now I just don’t know where to start.”

Chloe sharply inhaled. _‘Don’t I know you?’_ she thought to herself.

“Like I could tell you my favourite colour and it would suffice because none of you know what it is.” Beca was being stupid and she knew it.

“Are you for real?” Jessica couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

“Beca, what the hell?” If Aubrey wasn’t happy with her before, she certainly wasn’t now.

“You’re not chickening out on this. You’re not skipping out on this just because you think you’re some cool alt chick. Especially not when I know you have something to share.” Aubrey was on her feet, it took all her willpower to not march on over to Beca and slap her silly. Aubrey could see that she was already silly, so that part had been covered for her.

“AUBREY!” Chloe couldn’t believe Aubrey was going to do this here, now.

“DUDE, are we really going to do this now? GOD. Of course this is happening.”

“Don’t do this Aubrey.” Chloe reached out to take Aubreys arm to guide her back to her seat.

“Is someone going to tell us what’s happening?” Cynthia, along with all the other girls were wondering what on earth they were witnesing.

“Go on, tell them your dirty little secret.” She barked as her eyes narrowed.

Tears began to sting Beca’s eyes, fighting to choke them back, ‘ _Not here, don’t you dare let her see you cry.’_ She told herself. “Fine.” Beca said through her teeth.

Aubrey went to speak but was cut off by the shorter girl.

“As long as it counts as my secret.”

She paused and folded her arms over her chest, “What did I say at the beginning, Beca?” Aubrey straightened her posture before sitting back down again.

“Why are you being such a bitch today Bree?” Chloe was now yelling at her best friend.

Beca raised her hand to get the older girl to stop yelling.

“No Beca, this isn’t okay. This is uncalled for and she knows it!”

“Chloe it’s cool, she’s right. I know the rules.”

“So what will it be, short stack?” Aubrey cocked an eyebrow at the brunette.

“Jesus Christ Aubrey, who the hell are you right now?” The redhead had quickly gotten up and had positioned herself infront of the blonde. “I really don’t know who you are because you would have killed anyone that treated my the way you’re treating Beca right now. When I went through the exact same thing, you tore anyones head off even if they looked at me differently.” Chloe momentarily froze after realising what she had accidentally divulged to the brunette. Before she could turn to see if she had registered what had been said the blonde had stood and was now inches away from herself.

“You’re different Chloe and you know it. You didn’t deserve it!”

  
“Oh so I deserve it do I? Jesus Christ Aubrey, just because I’m some weird alt girl that you don’t understand doesn’t mean that I’ve done something wrong.”

“Aubrey, no one deserves to feel like that. Especially not Beca.”

“Really Chloe? You barely even know the girl.” Aubrey couldn’t believe how her best friend was taking this girls side. When Chloe had her heart broken time and time again it was her wiping away the tears, she’s the one that has lost copious amounts of sleep for her. Not this half pint full of trouble.

“Will someone tell us what’s going on?” Cynthia Rose reminded the three of the others presence.

“Okay whatever, I don’t care anymore.” Beca said as she began to take her jacket off.

“Beca no!” Chloe said, walking foreward.

“No, I don’t care and Aubrey isn’t going to be able to hold this over my head anymore. I’m sick of it.” She began to remove the thick leather bracelets from her wrists. “This is what they’re talking about.” She turned her wrists to face upwards as she walked around the group, stopping at Chloe. The girls each ghasped as they layed eyes on the large amount of scarring and new wounds. After stopping at Chloe, without making eye contact she made a beeline for her seat.

“Oh Beca.” Chloe breathed.

“And as for my secret, which by the way I’m only doing because the rest of you deserve it. If it were just up to our so called captain, I’d be hightailing it out of here. My secret is that I’m only at this stupid university because my Dad’s forcing me to. He said if I didn’t complete a year of a degree, he wouldn’t give me the inheritance my Mother left me when I was 15.” Beca began to collect her belongings.

“I’m so sorry Beca.” A few girls said in unison.

“It’s okay, she didn’t die suddenly. Brain cancer has a tendancy to give a little notice.”

“Oh my God Beca, that’s awful.” Chloe began to make her way over to the shorter girl.

“It’s okay, I’m fine.” She waved her off. “Plus you still have an hour of rehearsal to take.” She said, whilst flinging her bag over a shoulder. As she turned on her heel to leave Aubrey stopped her.

“Where do you think you’re going? I haven’t dismissed you yet.” Aubrey yelled as she stood to her feet.

“Oh please, like I’m going to stay around and subject myself to a poor excuse of human, that is yourself. You should consider yourself lucky if I ever decide to show up again and, if I decide to not go to the dean and get the Bellas taken off of you. Everyone should know about the way you just treated me.”

“Uh huh, because that’s definitely going to happen.” Aubrey sarcastically nodded.

“Aubrey I have plenty of whitnesses, don’t you dare believe for a second that I wouldn’t do it, because oh holy hell would I.”

As Beca made her way out of the auditorium, she could hear Aubrey yelling at the remaining Bellas. She was instructing them on the cardio they’d be doing for the remaining rehearsal time.

Beca stopped just outside the auditorium doors and placed her things, so she could replace the jacket and bracelets she had removed moments before. As she picked her bag back up the auditorium doors opened behind her. To her surprise, the remaining Bellas piled out.

“What happened to the rest of rehearsal?” Beca called out to the group.

“Chloe called it off.” Jessica and Stacey said together.

“Chloe Marie Beale, you better get your ass back here or so God help me.” The girls heard Aubrey call after the read head. They all turned to see the auditorium door being opened once more, this time it was by Chloe.

“Why are you all just standing out here?” Chloe asked the group of exhausted girls.

They all exchanged a glance and shrugged. After a moment Chloe broke the silence.

“Okay, well I’d like to apologise to all of you. I honestly thoughout that the whole session would go a lot smoother than it did. I’m sorry if anyone was pushed too far.” Chloe said looking around the group of girls.

They all responded by nodding or by shooting Chloe an accepting glance.

“Um and Beca, can I talk to you, please?” Chloe added as she walked through the group, up to the brunette.

Before the girl could respond Aubrey threw the auditorium door open whilst yelling, “Chloe, what the heck, I wasn’t done talking to you.”

“You were talking _at_ me Bree and I’m done.” The redhead said over her shoulder. “Anyway can we go to your dorm or something? I’d offer to go to mine but I room with her.” She gestered to the blonde that was making her way to them. “Please?”

“Don’t you do this Chlo.” She said extended an arm to her co captain.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Beca asked.

“Yes, Aubrey brought this on herself.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N I hope you guys enjoyed this. I'm going to be honest with you, I don't know what's going to happen with this story. I'd really like to know if you want this finished or if I should just move onto something else. I do have a bit of time right now, so I'm up for what ever you want. Just please let me know.
> 
> Please review.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Another longer chapter, I hope you don't mind. After seeing a handful of people wanting me to finish this I thought I'd continue. Please continue to leave reviews telling me what you think. Tbh the more eager you all seem the more effort I put into the chapter and the more likely it is to come out sooner. So yeah. Anyway, as per usual I'm sorry about how long it's been and I don't know when I'll update again. But I will update, I promise.
> 
> also, slight trigger warning? idk nothing too much but I think it's enough to warrant a warning

"Are you sure that you should have left Aubrey like that?" Beca checked with the older girl as she unlocked her empty dorm room.

"She's a big girl Beca, she can handle herself." There was a noticeable pause. "Plus I don't want to be around anyone that treats my friends that poorly."

Beca stopped dead in her tracks, stopping in the middle of her room. "Whoa, whoa, whoa." Beca waved her hands in front of the taller girl, signalling her to stop. "That's really nice of you and all but, I'm not worth losing that friendship. You can't just let go of, like, ten years like that. Especially not over me." Beca became frantic. "What are you even doing her Chlo? – Ah, sorry. Chloe."

"Hun, calm down." She reached out to grab Becas shoulders. "What I'm doing is letting Aubrey calm down, whilst making sure you're okay." The taller girl said as she placed a hand on Becas cheek.

"Are you sure?" Beca looked up to Chloe as she placed her hand atop of hers, which was still cupping her face.

"I'm positive. Like you just said, we've been friends since we were 12 – I know how to handle her." Chloe removed her hand, walking past the brunette to sit on her bed. "Also, a couple of things."

Beca cocked an eyebrow.

"Firstly," Chloe raised a single finger, "you really need to stop asking if I'm sure. Girl you need to give me a little more credit." Chloe laughed at the still raised brow. "Secondly," she raised a second finger, "Dude, you can call me Chlo, I don't mind. It's all g."

Beca rolled her eyes. "Did you really just say that?" Beca laughed as she sat next to the redhead.

"Hey now, it's cool! I'm cool!" She joked and sarcastically sat up straighter as she tightened an imaginary tie. Chloe began again, after they had both stopped laughing.

"And lastly," She went to raise her hand, to indicate the next number. "Ah" She paused as she couldn't remember the number she was up to. "I don't remember what number I was up to, but what ever."

"Three dude! Three!." Beca laughed as the playfully pushed the older girl. "Seriously you can't count to three? How did they let you in here?" Beca was doubled over in laughter.

"Oh it was definitely my looks. For sure." She sat up, sitting away from Beca. As she placed her left hand on her hip she quickly looked over her shoulder, back to Beca. "I went Elle Woods on their ass. I sent in a headshot with my application." Once again they were both in fits of laughter.

After they had both settles down Chloe began again.

"Okay, THREE." She said as she slowly counted to three on her fingers, lingering on the second. "Of all the beds in the world, how on earth is yours made?" She gestured to the neatly made bed they were sitting on. "Like, you have about six empty Redbull cans lying around and there are records that aren't in their cases up there." She waved to the built in bookcase they were both leaning on. "PLUS, there are about four different pairs of headphones just chilling around the place."

"Wow, we've upgraded to counting to four, huh? That's a lot for one day Chlo." She poked fun at Chloe.

"Hey now, not cool." She laughed.

"But, uh, yeah. Always having a made bed was something my Mum always used to say." Chloe's face fell. "She said that if there was one thing you do each morning before you leave, it should be to pull up your bed. She believed it made you happier each night if you got into a made bed."

"Oh Beca. I'm sorry, I wouldn't have said anything if I'd known."

"I wasn't lying when I said I was fine. It's been nearly four years." Beca sat up and crossed her legs. There was a long pause before Beca broke the silence.

"Chloe, what did you mean back there?" Beca stared at her crossed legs, picking at her jeans.

"Uh, what do you mean?" Even though Chloe knew exactly what she was asking about.

"When you stood up for me to Aubrey, before I showed everyone." Her voice was small and gentle, but Chloe easily understood her. "You said something about going through the same thing." She slowly brought her eyes up to meet Chloes before returning to her jeans. Beca knew that if she didn't immediately tear her eyes back away, she'd be lost in the sea of blue.

"Oh, yeah, right. That." She hesitated.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to I'm sorry, we can totally forget that I asked."

Chloe rested her hand on her thigh. She tried her hardest not to wince or back away from the contact. No matter how much pressure Chloe was applying to new cuts, of which the redhead was unaware, it hurt her.

"It's okay. I kind of want to tell you, I just haven't spoken about it since I first told Bre and I pretty much told her straight away." Chloe deliberately inhaled and exhaled before continuing. "I was 12 when things first started to slip downhill. It was my first year of highschool and my first year being at the same school as my older bother and sister. But I was excited. It was meant to be great, plus I had Bree with me. I really couldn't have been happier."

"Whoa, you have an older brother and sister? No way, I always assumed you were an only child." Unless someone explicitly spoke of siblings, Beca assumed they were an only child. Plus Chloe was so over zealous, it was hard to imagine that a kid would have room to grow up like that with siblings.

"And a younger sister."

Beca's eyes grew wider as she mouthed 'wow'. Chloe nodded again.

"My younger sister is six years younger and my older brother and sister are both four years older, they're twins. I should have only spent a year with them in high school, but they ended up being held down early in primary school because we moved states."

Beca was still trying to wrap her head around Chloe having siblings. She imagined they were just as gorgeous and statuesque as she is.

"Beca?"

It turned out that Beca had been more engulfed by that thought than she realised.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, sorry. I just really didn't even think you having siblings was a possibility; which is odd to say. But please, go on." Becas cheeks were now lightly dusted a rosy pink.

"Well these are the twins." She said as she unlocked her phone that had been sitting in her pocket. She turned the phone towards Beca, revealing a family photo. Beca was taken aback by the beautiful family. "This is Elise," She said pointing to a tall, thin, tanned blonde. Honestly this girl could have been a model.

'But so could Chloe.' Beca thought to herself.

"And this is Chad, the other twin." Beca nodded. He was equally attractive. It looked as though he was nearly six foot, well built and with a killer jawline.

"Your parents look like lovely people." Beca offered.

"They really are the best. I couldn't have asked for better, more understanding parents. But wait, you don't recognise them?" To say that Chloe was a little shocked was an understatement.

Beca just shook her head. "No, should I?"

Chloe was in disbelief. "Beca my Aunty is the first lady."

Beca froze.

"Dude what?" Beca had no idea what to say or do.

Chloe laughed. "Why do you think my family is so competitive and driven?"

"This is insane. Your Uncle is the president!" She was dumbfounded at how this hadn't come up in conversation before.

"Eh, he's married into the family and I don't really know him. So he isn't really my Uncle." The older girl shrugged. There was a moment before she continued. "And anyway, this is my younger sister, Eliza."

Beca laughed. "Ech, cute."

"I beg your pardon? You don't like the look of my family?" Chloe laughed.

"No man, E, E, C, C? Elise, Eliza, Chloe and Chad?"

"Oh right." Chloe shook her head. "You're a weirdo."

Beca shrugged and laughed. "Wait, we're just going to gloss over your uncle?" She said as she realised how converstation had changed again.

"There isn't really much to talk about Bec. I don't really know him and no one really knows. A lot of people tend to assume that Beale is a popular last name, so they don't question it. I pretty much just whip it out to intimidate people. If we could just not bring this up again, that'd be cool. It makes me feel weird because I really have nothing to do with them."

Beca went to push the topic, but stopped herself as she didn't want to upset the ginger.

Chloe continued "Anyway yeah, they're my gorgeous siblings. Believe it or not they've been that attractive all their lives."

As Beca went to disagree, Chloe stopped her and continued.

"In primary school I always looked up to the twins. I really wanted to be like a triplet to them. So I was ecstatic to go to their highschool. I just had no idea how hard it was going to be. I had no idea how perfect they were at everything. For the longest time I was just 'little Beale'. There were groups of people that went years without knowing what my actual name was. In the first few weeks of grade 8 I signed up for everything I could: band, soccer, track, field, badmington, science club, book club; you name it, I did it. But I quickly learnt that everyone expected me to be as great as the twins were. Even though I was new and only 12." Chloe took as breath to calm herself.

"After a year of trying to be as great as they both were, I had fizzled out and I pretty much felt like I wasn't good at anything." She slightly turned to her left, mimicking someone as she spoke. " 'Oh well Elise practices her scales every day'" she turned to the right to begin mimicking someone else, " 'Well Chad could do differential equations at your age.'" She came back to the middle, " ' Chad and Elise had broken the schools 1400metre record by your age; continuing to beat it year after year.'"

Chloe relaxed back onto the shelf behind her. "I couldn't do it anymore. I wasn't Chloe by that point and honestly, no one cared about Chloe. I spent the entire year trying to push myself out of their shadows and I ended up digging my grave in it." She momentarily stopped to gather her thoughts.

Beca placed her hand atop of Chloe's, offering moral support.

"After I began to realise that no one cared about Chloe, I began to not care about me either." She pulled her knees to her chest, trying not to cry. "It was weird and it happened quickly. I went from having awful anxiety about absolutely everything to just nothing."

Beca looked up to the older girl, who had her eyes glued to the navy cushion in front of her.

"Being 13 is hard enough when you hate yourself, let alone when everyone else hates you too." Chloe's voice was laced with defeat and sadness. Beca was expecting to see her crying, but instead her face long, deeply saddened. Her usually vibrant blue eyes were dark and lifeless. It was killing Beca to see her like this; it was so unlike the girl she knew.

"Chlo" It was barely a whisper. As the word escaped her lips, a tear rolled down her cheek. "Chloe." She quickly sat up on her knees and reached out to the older girl. "Please tell me you don't feel like this anymore. Please tell me you know and can see what a beautiful, talented, amazing woman you are. Please, please please." Tears were now streaming down the brunettes face. "You're too smart not to know these things."

There was a moment of silence. They both sat lost in the moment, with Becas hands still placed on Chloe's bicep, their eyes locked. Beca was scanning the redheads for an answer, for anything.

"Oh my God, Beca." Chloe moved her right hand, placing it on Beca's. "You're too sweet." There were tears welling in the gingers eyes.

"Please." The younger girl was still rapidly trying to find an answer in her eyes.

"I'm much better, yes." She said eyes still locked. Their faces had been separated only by a few centimetres for the last few moments, neither of them seemed to care. Chloe found herself struggling not to move her gaze down to Beca's lips; instead she chose to continue swimming in the dark blue sea.

"That doesn't answer my question Chlo."

The older girl could smell the redbull that laced Beca's breath, it was almost endearing.

"Becs, I'm human. I have my down days, just like everyone else." Although the red heads voice was full of hope the brunette found herself furiously shaking her head.

"No, no no no Chloe." She cupped the older girls face, as she moved her body closer to hers. Their faces still centimetres apart. "I can't believe that you don't understand how amazing you are every moment of every day."

Chloe inhaled, "Beca, like I said I'm human."

Beca moved, pulling herself away from Chloe. The older girl was momentarily confused as she quickly found Beca stradeling her waist. Beca's left hand moved down to the older girls waist where Chloe's shirt had slightly risen, exposing a small portion of her hip, unbeknown to her.

Chloe froze at the contact, panic now plagued her face.

Beca thought this was just Chloe's reaction to her sudden change in position. How wrong she was.

"Chloe, Chloe, Chloe." Beca was running her right thumb over the older girls cheek, whilst playing with her side. "I don't want to scare you or anything, that's the last thing I want. I just want you to know how much I –" Beca stopped as she glanced down to see what she waws feeling. Beca's hand had been running over Chloe's bare hip. Although, her skin wasn't smooth and perfectly even like she was expecting it to be. She could feel like ridges in her skin.

"Beca, no." She tried to avert the brunettes eyes, as she took Beca's hand off her waist and began to sit up. "Beca what were you sayi-" The younger girl cut her off.

"Chlo." The brunette had tears streaming down her face once again. "No." She breathed as she brought her hands up to cover her mouth. She was shaking her head in disbelief as she stood up. Beca began pacing the length of her small dorm room.

A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this (plz don't hate me).

Again please leave a review letting me know what you think! I hope you all have a great weekend.


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